(For link to audio & video recording on SermonAudio.com, click here )
(If you would like to receive Pastor Harris’ weekly sermons via e-mail, Click Here)
(If you would like to download the PowerPoint presentation for this sermon, Click Here – A Dad’s Involvement)
(To see video of the worship service, click here to go to our youtube link
Pastor Scott L. Harris
Grace Bible Church, NY
June 17, 2007
Revised June 15, 2025
◘ A Dad’s Involvement
Selected Scriptures
An interesting study was done of the decedents of two different families from the late 1600’s. In 1677 an immoral man married a licentious woman. 1,900 decedents were traced to them. 771 were criminals, 250 were arrested for various offenses, 60 were thieves, and 39 were convicted of murder. These people spent a combined total of 1,300 years behind bars and cost New York State nearly $3 million – back when $3 million was still a lot of money. At today’s rates it would be well over $100 million.
At about the same time the Edwards family was started. The third generation included Jonathan Edwards, the great New England theologian, preacher and president of Princeton University. Of their 1,344 descendants, many were college presidents and professors. 186 became ministers of the gospel. 86 were state senators, 3 were congressmen, 30 were judges, and 1 became Vice President of the U.S.
◘Dads, your leaving a legacy, what will it be? Leaving a good legacy like that of the Edwards family is not easy and in many ways harder now because our society no longer encourages dad in this role.
◘Society at one time promoted models like Mr. Clever on “Leave it to Beaver,” Robert Young in “Father’s Knows Best,” or Andy Griffith in his show. Those were popular situation comedies in the 1960’s. You can now see them on specialty channels such as MeTV (Memorable Entertainment Television) that broadcast such early television shows. While those shows are now mocked as unrealistic nostalgia, the truth is that those TV dads portrayed what was typical of that time period. Most dads were respectable in all areas and a source of wisdom for the family – and the community. I know because that not only matched my own dad, it matched the dads of nearly every other child I knew. There were exceptions to that, but they were exceptions.
My dad was the man my mom kissed. He would go off to work for the day and return in the evening to do things around the house and with us. He encouraged us kids to learn from him as he did projects & fixed things. That included car mechanics as well as house repairs and maintenance. If money was tight, he would take on side jobs and we would often go with him to learn by helping him.
Dad provided for the family. He did not give us what we may have wanted, but in his wisdom, he always provided what was really needed. And that was much more important than the things money could purchase. He was actively involved in the lives of his three sons including being one of our scout leaders. We were naturally attracted to pick up the same interests that he had such as fishing, hiking, camping, and we did a lot of those things. Dad was available to give advice or help with a problem – he remained that way. He was patient with my brothers and me and disciplined us only when we deserved it, but if we deserved it, he did not withhold it. I learned many lessons through my father’s wise use of a switch. As important as all those things are, of more importance was my dad showed us the importance of God in life. I grew up in a family that went to church every Sunday where my parents were Sunday School teachers and my dad a deacon. Even after he no longer held those positions, he remained very active in church life. He led us in family devotions and could even pronounce all those names in the Old Testament.
Society used to encourage dads to be like that. The family provider, Mom’s husband, an involved teacher, an available instructor, a disciplinarian and the family’s spiritual leader. My dad was all those things. I never doubted his love for me. I respected him and loved him. I wanted to emulate all of his good qualities, and by God’s grace I believe I have and been able to pass them onto my sons. I am blessed to have had him in my life for 65 years before he went to be with the Lord a year and a half ago.
◘But society has changed, and for many it is difficult to even define who dad is. Is dad the fellow that fathered you or the guy mom is with now? The guy who has the children during the week or the guy that has them on weekends? What defines a father – procreation or the relationship between a parent (natural, adoptive or otherwise) and a child? Society presents a different model for fatherhood now.
◘The average fictional dad on a TV program gives a model that it is OK to scream at the kids, to call them names and to use acidic sarcasm against them, and they treat their wives the same way in front of the kids. They neither present nor correct their children to any positive moral standard. These and most other TV programs are a waste of your time. Even the better models for parenting presented on TV are not very good. The dad is often presented as an inept bungler who is tolerated by the family, but not respected. Even when the dad is presented as being moral, wise, sensitive and competent there is never a mention of him leading his family in devotions or taking them to church. Has God become irrelevant?
We could go on about other men that are held up by society as role models – sports figures, entertainment stars, political leaders and such and we would reach the same conclusion. ◘Our society as a whole no longer presents a good model for dads, and the so called “experts” compound the problem. Compare the generations raised before the 1950’s with those raised since then and ask yourself if the psychological teachings of Dr. Spock and those who have arisen since him have helped improve society? Obviously not. Neither you nor I enjoy the children raised under these humanistic philosophies. We don’t want our children to be self-centered and out-of-control, and we don’t want to invite a family over whose children are that way. No longer does society or its so called “experts” encourage men to be good fathers. Even so, we still have the Scriptures, and the Bible along with the Holy Spirit are all that are necessary to become godly fathers (2 Peter 1:3).
◘Having raised three sons, I know that being a dad is a lot of work, but I also know it was something immensely enjoyable. The discipline and correction can be hard, but it is wonderful to be with your children through each phase of growing up with each phase having its own special challenges and joys. When they are young, it is playing games, rough housing, reading them a book, the excitement of learning new things, giving them a bath and putting them to bed and praying over them. As they get older, rough housing can be become a bit to rough for the house, and you may find yourself getting tired and going to bed before they do, but there is still the joy of various activities, discussing books, current events, the Scriptures and how to apply them to life. There are still plenty of things to show and teach them including practical skills such as how to drive safely – which can be a little scary.
◘In doing all these things it must be remembered that you are your child’s role model. Do you fully realize that? Your child will become a lot like you? Therefore you absolutely must be committed to being the best role model possible. However, the reality is that even a great dad will have some weaknesses, so you can’t just rely on following the example of your dad, though that is usually the default practice. I had a great dad, but I also knew well the areas of weakness that I did not want to repeat in my own life and pass down to my sons. And for many of you , your dad was not a good role model, and for some, your dad was not involved to be a role model or perhaps not even there. What then? To be a good role model regardless of whether your dad was good or bad, you must learn the truths of God’s word to know what He wants you to be as a dad, and then you must apply those truths to become that kind of dad. And in examining the Scriptures we find this wonderful truth. Whether your dad was good or bad as a role model, we still have a perfect model of a father in God Himself.
◘God is the creator of all people, but He is Father only to those that will believe and trust in Him. This familial relationship with God comes through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. John 1:12-13 states, “But as many as received Him, (Jesus Christ) to them He gave the right to become the children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God.” ◘That familial tie with God can move beyond the formality of “Father” to the intimate relationship of calling Him “daddy” according to Romans 8:15. This adds a whole new dimension to your ability to being able to be a good dad. But even those that do not have that personal relationship with God can still examine the Scriptures to see God’s fatherhood in action and find in that the proper model of what it means to be a father themselves.
There are Three basic elements in fatherhood. 1) Provision. 2) Teaching – including instruction, modeling, and discipline. 3) Love. And actually, the first two could be included in the last, so we will start with that aspect of fatherhood.
◘ TRUE FATHERHOOD IS SEEN IN LOVE.
Love is a very vague word in our culture for it is used to describe everything from lust to preference to affection to adoration to kindness. Love for a wife, children, your car, chocolate and your hobby are all very different from one another. The love of God is the committed love of choice which in Greek is ajgaph / agape. ◘ This is the love that chooses to do what is best for the other person even at self sacrifice. It is a love generated out of his own character instead of some perceived goodness in the other or benefit to be received from the other. It is a love that has an absolute commitment to continue regardless of the actions and attitudes of the individual receiving it. It is the love Jesus wants us to have for one another because it is love He has for us (John 13:34).
◘ This love is described in 1 Corinthians 13 as “patient, kind, not jealous, not bragging, not arrogant, not acting unbecomingly / improperly, it does not seek its own (not selfish), not provoked (angered), does not take into account a wrong suffered (does not hold grudges), does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; it bears all things, believes all things, hope all things, and endures all things.”
◘ This is God’s love for us. Its perfect demonstration is the gift of His son Jesus Christ. Romans 5:8 states, “God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” Ephesians 2:4-5 adds, “But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved) . . .” God provided Jesus Christ as the means of our salvation, and He did it while we were still in rebellion against Him. He did not extended mercy to us because of anything we have done but because of His own love for us. Titus 3:5, “He saved us, not on the basis of deeds which we have done in righteousness, but according to His mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewing by the Holy Spirit . . .”
God loves us because He has chosen to do so, and it is out of this love that everything else flows. God provides for us because He loves us. Because He loves, He also teaches, instructs and disciplines us. God’s love can never be questioned for it was demonstrated for all time and eternity in the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.
In a similar way, human fathers are to love. ◘ Dad is specifically commanded in Ephesians 5:25 to love his wife with this agape love, and it is to be of the same nature as Christ’s love for the church. It does matter how dad treats mom, and that will directly affect the children. Young boys will learn how to treat women in general and their future wife in particular from that role model. It affects the sense of security in young girls, which in turn will transfer to their future relationships whether good or bad.
◘The scriptures assume a natural affection a father will have for his child for Jesus pointed out in Matthew 7:9-10 that even evil fathers will not give their child a stone if he asks for bread or give him a snake if he asks for a fish. But the love a Christian father is to have for his children is to go beyond that in a sacrificial manner to provide a lot more than just the basics of food. ◘ A Christian father is to raise his children in the nurture / discipline and admonition / instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). The things God commands fathers to do are predicated upon the father loving the child in the child’s own best interest. The question is then, do we as human fathers love our children in the same manner as God loves us? In other words, are you committed to sacrificially seek out what is in the best interest of your children? Or are you seeking what is in your own interests and / or what is convenient for you?
◘ TRUE FATHERHOOD IS SEEN IN PROVISION
One of the great truths of Scripture is that God will provide for us. James 1:17 says, “Every good thing bestowed and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation, or shifting shadow.” Philippians 4:19 says, “And my God shall supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” There can be no doubt that God provides for our needs.
◘In a similar way, fathers are to provide for their families. In fact, 1 Timothy 5:8 points out that a man that does not provide for his family is worse than an infidel – an unbeliever. But it is important to note that provision is for needs and not wants.
◘Keep in mind that the responsibility of material provision is quite basic – food, shelter, clothing. 1 Timothy 6:8 states that if we have these, we should be content, and Paul said in Philippians 4:11-12 he learned to be content in all circumstances whether in humble means or prosperity, being filled or hungry, both in having abundance and having need. How much then is actually needed to be a good provider? ◘Seen from a Biblical perspective, it is not really all that much. In fact, seen from either an historical perspective or a global one it is not all that much. Nourishing food can be quite simple and much less expensive than all of the ultra processed convenience foods full of all sorts of added chemicals now common in our society. Clothing needs to cover and protect your body. Anything beyond that can be nice, but not necessary. End of season sales, thrift shops, rummage sales and hand-me-downs can save a lot of expense. Housing can be fairly simple too. The extra room in a large house can be nice, but its costs much more in time and expense including mortgage or rent, taxes, maintenance, repairs, utilities, cleaning, etc.
◘ A tragic aspect of our materialistic society is that dad is kept so busy trying to provide financing for all of the material desires of the family and then maintaining it that the family ends up with very little of him. God does not give us everything we want. He gives us what we need. A father must do the same. While material provision is necessary, what the family actually needs is the personal involvement of dad himself in family life. Be very careful of the pressure to work more hours to earn more money so you can give your family more things. Frankly, it is better to live at a much lower economic scale and have your family than have all that stuff. No one has ever said at the end of their life that “I wish I had spent more time with my desk.”
◘ TRUE FATHERHOOD IS SEEN IN TEACHING
Teaching involves instruction, example and discipline. God does all three with us.
INSTRUCTION: God has given us instruction. Exodus 24:12 states that the Law was given for the instruction of the Children of Israel. Romans 15:4 adds “whatever was written in earlier times was written for our instruction, that through perseverance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.” Proverbs specifically states it was written to know “wisdom and instruction,” and that the “fear of the Lord is the instruction for wisdom”
◘What is instruction? It is the book of rules, directions and guidelines that God has given us in His Word that tell us how life is to be properly lived. That is why the basis of wisdom, which is the ability to apply knowledge to life situations, is the fear of the Lord. It is that reverent respect for the Lord that guides us in applying what he has told us to life, and that is wisdom.
◘And what are we fathers to give to our children? Again, Ephesians 6:4, we are to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Throughout Proverbs we find a father calling out to his sons to take hold of his instructions and not let go of them.
Dads, it is your job to instruct your children about the “do’s and don’ts” that will guide them in life. That will not win you a popularity contest with them, but your goal as a parent is that they respect you regardless of whether they like you now or not. I will guarantee that if your children respect you, when they are adults, they will also like you. But the opposite is also true. If they do not respect you, then they will definitely not like you.
◘The tragedy is that so many children today are going without instruction and they are fulfilling Proverbs 5:21-23: “For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the LORD, and He watches all his paths. His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin. He will die for lack of instruction, And in the greatness of his folly he will go astray.” For the lack of instruction, a generation is being captured and held by their own evil and they are dying – both physically and eternally. Dad, as Deuteronomy 6:4-9 explains, you are to love God with all your heart, mind and strength and He has given you the responsibility of instructing your children in the ways of the LORD and direct them in the path of righteousness. That will take great diligence throughout the daily activities of life and all in all situations.
◘EXAMPLE: God has also set before us the perfect example of how to live life to its fullest in Jesus Christ. God’s call is for us to follow Him. I often point out that central to God’s election of us to salvation is that we are “predestined to be conformed to the image of Christ . . .” (Rom 8:29b). We are to become like Christ in all of our actions and attitudes. Jesus Himself said in Luke 6:40 that “a pupil is not above his teacher; but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher.”
◘Dad, God has given you precious children to instruct and to be an example to, and when your job of parenting is over, they will be like you. Does that mean you need to be perfect? No, because you will not be. But your example should be one of always striving to be better. When you fail, you humbly apologize, ask for forgiveness and then go on. That is the example you want your children to imitate. You need to be able to say to your children what the Apostle Paul said, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor. 11:1)
◘God also uses negative examples to teach us. 1 Corinthians 10 points to the negative example of the children of Israel in the wilderness wanderings and then states they were written for our instruction as an example. Proverbs uses many negative examples to make the point of the instruction being given. Make judicious use of the negatives examples to give warning.
◘DISCIPLINE: The third aspect of teaching is discipline. It seems that discipline, especially the physical chastisement aspect of discipline, has become a taboo in much of modern American society, yet God Himself uses the model of a loving father chastising his children to explain His own love for us. ◘ In Hebrews 12 God explains why He will chastise believers. Starting in verse 4: “4 You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin; 5 and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons, “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, Nor faint when you are reproved by Him; 6 For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, And He scourges every son whom He receives.” 7 It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Furthermore, we had earthly fathers to discipline us, and we respected them; shall we not much rather be subject to the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as seemed best to them, but He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. 11 All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.”
◘Dads, understand that this is our model. If God needs to chastise believers and use such discipline to train us to stay away from sinful practices so that we might enjoy the peaceful fruit of righteousness, then how much more do we need to do that with our own children. Many today withhold discipline out of fear it will stifle the child’s creativity. Others equate spanking with child-abuse. The result of this kind of thinking has been generations of self-centered kids who have not learned self-control.
◘ Discipline is central to teaching children that there are consequences to behavior. While most discipline should be positive in nature, the reality is that our children are born with our sin nature and so there must also be negative consequences too. As Proverbs 22:15 says, “foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Our children are innately sinful and we must teach them early that negative consequences follow bad behavior. ◘Such consequences range from rebuke & reproof, to the withholding of privileges, to physical chastisement. Negative consequences are necessary to teach the self-control needed to avoid sinful practices and walk in righteousness. ◘Some may try to equate physical chastisement with child abuse, and that can occur if you chastise outside of Scriptural bounds and do it in anger, but the real abuse is to let a child continue in his own foolish path for then he/she will grow up to be a foolish teenager, then a foolish young adult, then a foolish middle-age adult, then an old fool, and finally a fool for all of eternity separated from God. ◘Proverbs 13:24 states, “He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” If you really love your children, you will discipline them.
◘Let me summarize all of this for you. Our society has lost its way and it no longer presents a good model of fatherhood. God Himself is our heavenly Father and He is the model for us earthly fathers. ◘ 1) God loves us with an everlasting love. We are to love our families in the same way with a committed love that chooses to do what is best for the family at our own sacrifice. ◘ 2) God provides for us, and we have a responsibility to be the channel of God’s provision to our families. We are to give them what they really need and that means our personal involvement. Don’t fall into the trap of valuing material goods above your relationships with your family. ◘ 3) God teaches us through instruction, example and discipline. Be good teachers of your children by raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord through instruction, your own example and discipline.
◘ Let me close with an adaptation of 1 Cor. 13 for fathers that someone gave me.
If I speak with the eloquence of a poet or preach with the zeal of an evangelist, but cannot talk to my own child, I am only blaring brass or a crashing cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy but cannot predict where my child might be after the football game; if I have all knowledge and theological truth, but have no idea what’s important to my child; if I have faith so as to move mountains, but no confidence in my child’s abilities — I am a failure. If I give my money to the missionaries, my time to the gospel team, my talent to the church building committee, and my enthusiasm to the choir — and am too tired to talk to the child who carries my name, I do not deserve to be called a father. I do not love. I am achieving nothing. This love is patient with strange slang and dress, with cell phones, computers and long telephone calls. It finds a way of being helpful. It avoids using contemptuous language to refer to his child’s friends and generation. It resists the urge to talk at length about the hardships of its own youth. This love realizes that a teenager does not remember its parents hardships . . . and may have a hard time understanding that suffering builds character. This love is not possessive. It does not try to conform its children to its own desires. It allows a child to grow, change, make mistakes and someday leave home. It rejoices when that child marries happily. It does not seek to pull strings and hide the harsh realities of life, but allows the child to become an adult before God. Love gives courtesy and respect even to a teenager. It does not compare one child’s performance with another child’s. It does not keep a running total of offenses and failures. It remembers God’s grace and patterns life after that grace. Love endures dirty sneakers, messy rooms, broken vases, loud voices, insatiable appetites, arguments, unfounded boasting and dirt on the just cleaned floor. It can outlast anything. As for prophecy conferences, they will end. As for missionary speakers, they will go back to the field. As for Christian education programs, they will be forgotten. But love will remain. So church work, education and love abide, but the greatest of these is love.
I hope that is the way you strive to love your children.
Sermon Notes – 6/15/2025
A Dad’s Involvement – Selected Scriptures
Introduction
What is the ____________ you are leaving for your descendants?
TV dads of the 1950-60’s portrayed what was ________________ among dads in that generation
Society has ___________. Who is dad?
Fictional dads of TV / Movies _____________________those of 60 years ago – neither are most dads
Our society ________________ presenting good role models for dads
Raising children is a lot of work – and an immense __________
___________ are your child’s role model – good or bad
God is creator of all people, but __________ only to those that believe & trust Him – John 1:12-13
The Christian has a familial tie with God and can call him “___________” (Romans 8:15)
TRUE FATHERHOOD IS SEEN IN LOVE
ajgaph / agape is the love that ____________to do what is best for the other person even at self sacrifice
This love is ____________in 1 Corinthians 13 & ______________in Jesus – Romans 5:8
A dad is commanded to love his ___________ in this manner – Ephesians 5:25
Dad’s are assumed to have a natural _______________ for their children – Matthew 7:9-10
Christian dad’s are to have a ____________love than just natural affection – Eph. 6:4
TRUE FATHERHOOD IS SEEN IN PROVISION
God ____________for His children – James 1:17; Philippians 4:19
Dad’s are to provide for their ______________- including extended family – 1 Timothy 5:8
Food, shelter & clothing are basic – and enough to bring __________________- 1 Tim. 6:8; Phil. 4:11-12
It does not take a lot of money to meet the basic requirements – it does take a proper _________________
_______________expectations can keep a dad from providing what he actually needs to provide – himself
TRUE FATHERHOOD IS SEEN IN TEACHING
INSTRUCTION – God has given us _____________: Exodus 24:12; Romans 15:4; Proverbs
Instruction gives the ______________, rule, guidelines from God’s word on how to properly live life
Fathers are to instruct / teach their children the do’s & don’ts that will ___________them in life – Eph. 6:4
Many children are not instructed and so fall into Proverbs 5:21-23 ______________against iniquity
EXAMPLE – Jesus Christ is God’s perfect _____________for us – we are to become like Him (Rom. 8:29)
Dad’s are to be ____________examples to their children of how to properly live life
God also uses negative examples to give __________- make judicious use of them with your children
DISCIPLINE – ____________requires discipline in all of its aspects
God disciplines those He ____________- Hebrews 12:4-11
God is the model for dads, and if God has to chasten believers, dads will need to __________their children
Most discipline is positive, but sin requires ___________consequences – Prov. 22:15
Rebuke, reproof, withholding of privileges, natural consequences, ______________ chastening
Physical chastening can only become abusive when it is done ___________the boundaries of Scripture
Proverbs 13:24 – If you love your children you will discipline them to prevent them from becoming _______
SUMMARY
__________no longer presents a good model of fatherhood – God is the model for us to follow
God loves with an everlasting love – we are to love our children in the same ____________way
God provides for His children – we provide for our children what they _________, not what they want
God teaches through instruction, example and discipline – we are to __________our children likewise
KIDS KORNER
Parents, you are responsible to apply God’s Word to your children’s lives. Here is some help. Young Children – draw a picture about something you hear during the sermon. Explain your picture(s) to your parents at lunch. Older Children – Do one or more of the following:1) Write down all the verses mentioned in the sermon and look them up later. 2) Count how many times “dad” is mentioned in the sermon. Talk with your parents about the qualities God wants a dad to have. Talk with your parents about how well you are doing at following their instruction, example and discipline.
THINK ABOUT IT! – Questions to consider / discuss with others.
What legacies have you received from your fathers? What did society promote as role models when you were growing up? How do they compare with what is promoted now? What do you like about being a parent? What are the challenges? How does society define love? How does that compare to God’s love? Describe the love that the Bible says that husband is to have for his wife? Parents for their children? Christians for one another? Include practical ways in which this love is demonstrated. What does is mean that a father is to provide for his family? What is he to provide? What are the three aspects of teaching? What is the relationship between instruction and wisdom? What kind of example are you setting for your children? Do you want them to grow up to be like you are currently? What needs to change? What is discipline? What is its positive side? Give examples? What is its negative side? Give examples? What is chastisement? What does the Bible say about chastisement? What eventually happens to a fool that is never corrected? How are you doing at raising your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord? How can it improve?
If you would like to receive Pastor Harris’ weekly sermons via e-mail, Click Here)
Grace Bible Church Home Page || Sermon Archives
For comments, please e-mail Church office