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Pastor Scott L. Harris
Grace Bible Church, NY
Revised June 21, 2026
* “Will the Real Men Please Stand Up!”
Selected Scriptures
Introduction
What a strange state we live in. Both the New York Assembly and Senate passed a bill to replace in New York State law the terms mother and father with the terms gestating and non-gestating parent. Gov. Hochul has neither signed it or vetoed it yet. Unlike the majority of New York State politicians, we have not lost our minds to yield to the stupidity of political correctness, so we boldly wish each of you non-gestating parents a Happy Father’s Day!
Of course this nonsense reflects the fact that there is a very vocal groups within our society that are confused about basics of reality and want to replace it with their twisted fantasies. They are not sure what constitutes a woman or what constitutes a man. Is it biology or psychology? Tragically, that is a serious question for such people. The answer from Scripture and reality is simple. God made people either male or female. The male has XY chromosomes and the female has XX chromosomes and those cannot be altered. If the psychology does not match the biology, then there are serious mental / moral issues and help is needed to get them to align again. Catering to the whims of those with mental disorders does not help that person and it allows the lies underlying the disconnect from reality to spread.
When Arnold Schwartzenaggar, Governor of California 2003-2011, called some of his political opponents “girly men,” he was not referring to some sort of biological freak. He was referring to them being docile to submit to political pressure instead of showing the characteristics of men who would stand up and take the political heat for doing what was right for the state. Of course he became a bit of a girly man in his second term in caving to political pressure. Country music singer Brad Paisley’s 2008 hit song, “I’m Still a Guy,” speaks about the perspective men usually have toward things compared to women. He then goes on to lament the men whose pursuit of beauty treatments more typical of women such as facials, botox treatments, manicures, skin waxing, eye brow plucking and spray on tans demonstrated they were being feminized. Things have not improved.
There have been news stories for years pointing out the problem of both declining marriage rates and delayed marriage. By 2024 the average age for men for first marriage was 30.2 years old and for women it was 28.6 years old. Young men are complaining that they can’t find a woman who would make a good wife, and the women are complaining the men are not willing to take on the responsibilities of being a husband. The women have figured out that a lot of men are not looking for a wife, they are looking for either a playmate, a maid or someone that will mother them. I have also heard of men in their twenties who have given up trying to even date a woman because it is too risky for various reasons and that people my age – a “boomer” – don’t understand what they are facing. I admit that I don’t understand because a characteristics of manliness throughout the ages is being able to properly evaluate risks and move forward in the face of the fear of the risks. Conceding that it may be harder for young men to find a good woman today only emphasizes the necessity to be a real man to overcome the adversity. Men should not complain about not being able to find a wife if they are letting fear keep them from talking to a woman and taking her out on a date. If it does not work out with her, keep looking. Follow the advice of Michelle Wright’s song from the 1990’s – “If you want [a] woman’s heart, Take it like a man.”
* A good question then to ask in our confused society is what does it mean to be a man? Not just the dictionary definition of being “an adult, male, homo sapiens,” a human with XY chromosomes, but a “real man,” a “true man,” a “man’s man.” While there are many adult male homo sapiens, there are relatively few real men. I love to study history, so I have read about many real men in past generations, you will find them in the pages of the Bible, and I have known quite a few real men in the generation older than mine. * The percentage of real men in my own generation dropped, and it has fallen even more in the generations that have followed. What will the future be like?
* What qualities characterize manliness? I am not going to pretend to be able to give you the final and complete definition of a man this morning, but I do propose to give you some of the major characteristics of real men. I want to give you something to think about and chew on this morning. I want you to see that being a man is more than just being an adult, male, homo sapiens. This is not the opinion or advice of a “boomer” for its source is the ancient texts of the sacred Scriptures, so it arises from God, our designer and Creator.
You men, young and old, need to pay close attention so you know what you are supposed to be. You young ladies pay attention because these are the characteristics you should be looking for in the man you will marry someday. You married ladies pay attention because these are the qualities you need to encourage your husband to aspire too. Please note I said, “encourage” and not “nag.” Where you see that your husband lacks, you need to build him up, not tear him down.
* Cultural Confusion
Before I describe the characteristics of a good man, I want to highlight some of the factors underlying the current cultural confusion about what men are supposed to be. That will point to some of the obstacles that need to be overcome to develop good men.
* In times past, society held that certain characteristics were to be expected in men and the culture itself sought to develop those traits in their sons. Men were expected to be courageous and strong, have high ethics and act with integrity. They were expected to be courteous, kind, respectful to others. They were to be gentlemen. A real man was expected to be able to act with a certain decorum of good manners. While knowing the fine details of proper etiquette at a high society banquet was not mandatory, men were to know how to treat a lady, and if invited to a banquet, they were expected to find out how to act and then do so.
Since the 1960’s there have been anti-cultural movements that have sought to redefine the role and desired characteristics of men. There has been an increase in the emphasis of individual rights and a promotion of amorality. Children in the public schools are encouraged to question the authority of their parents. * The family has been breaking down as seen in both the rate of divorce and illegitimacy. In 2025 40% of all births in the United States were to unwed mothers. In some segments of our society that rate rose to seventy plus percent. The result is a lot of children growing up without fathers. The boys do not have real men around to show them how to be real men. That is major reason gangs are formed. It is an alternative family.
The lack of training young males to be men results in them following their own selfish impulses to do whatever they feel like doing. * They act like animals because they are treated as such. There are social service organizations and sometimes even High Schools that pass out free condoms to teens because the basis for expecting teens to make moral decisions which require self control have eroded.
* The modern feminist movement added greatly to the cultural confusion. As the role and characteristics of women have been redefined in society by educational institutions (i.e., schools, colleges & universities), the media (how women are portrayed in film, television and music), and politicians (radical feminism), there has been a corresponding confusion for men on how they are supposed to act. Even simple things become confusing. Do you open the door for a woman or not? I still get a thank you most of the time, but I have run into scowls for doing that.
At one time women were taught to be shy and modest in dress. Now they are taught to be assertive and little is left to the imagination in their dress. Women who do not dress and act like ladies should not be surprised when men do not treat them as ladies. A sinful male will take from a woman what she will give, but she will not gain love or respect. That is reserved for the woman that has self-respect and makes the man work for her affections. It is the coy, hard-to-get women that men prefer because they adore the woman that is hard for other men to get.
* A back lash to feminism is yet another iteration of the “men’s movement.” Some of it can be helpful when the focus is on getting men to be responsible, but some of it is down right wacky. In an effort to get back to their “roots” and do “men things,” some strip off all or most of their clothes, beat on tom-toms and holler while dancing around a fire. No wonder the current generation is confused.
There is also a newer twist that is evil. It is an application of patriarchy that views and treats women like they are supposed to be mindless slaves instead of a God given helpmeet as described in Genesis 3. Those claiming Biblical justification for their view ignore the commands in Ephesians 5 for husbands to love their wives sacrificially in pursuit of her holiness and in 1 Peter 3:7 for husbands to “live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.” This low view of women seems to be common among those aligning themselves with the various iterations of the neo-nazi movement, into which tragically some professing Christians are falling. Failure to pursue truth in one area leads to believing lies in many areas.
* Another issue is lack of good role models. Who are the heros for young men to pattern themselves after? What singers or Hollywood celebrities provide a positive role model? They are few and far between because so many of them tend to be self-centered, proud and narcissistic. Sports figures used to be good role models, but drug abuse, temper tantrums, philandering and exploitation of their fans leave relatively few worthy of emulation. The shenanigans of the political elite have caused most people to hold them in disdain. It would seem that religious leaders should provide good role models, and many if not most do, but scandal also abounds since there are many false teachers among them.
There are certain characteristics that distinguish a real man. Story tellers throughout the ages, including the sages of old, novelists and the film industry, have understood this and given us bits and pieces of manhood usually stressing attributes such as * physical strength, courage, and leadership as keys to defining a real man. These are good, but there is much more needed in a real man. China’s Mao Tse-Dung was a leader, but was he a real man? The mythological character Hercules was strong, but was he a real man? Courage is notable, especially in war, but a courageous act does not mean the fellow is a real man. The characters John Wayne played always displayed certain aspects of being a man, but were they real men?
* Real men do not have to be able to bench press 250lb. They do not have to be able to play football or any other sport. They might even be confined to a wheel chair. Real men do not have to be “hunks,” nor do they have to have sexual prowess. They could be ugly, small in stature, single & celibate, a description that fits the Apostle Paul.
For the rest of this morning I want to point out certain characteristics that the Bible sets forth as the marks of a real man. We are going to be challenged by the list that is generated, but the encouraging thing about Scripture is that any Christian can develop these characteristics. In fact, God wants you to develop them. Any Christian male, I repeat, any Christian male, can be a real man!
* HUMILITY – The first characteristic may seem antithetical to the common notion of being a man, but a real man is humble. * Humility demands that you know your weaknesses and that you are modest about strengths.
Popular culture celebrates the man that is proud, arrogant and boastful, but being that way is no big deal. * Men are naturally that way because of their sin nature, and without proper training when young, it just gets worse. Pride is one of man’s greatest pitfalls. It always gets him into trouble.
The Bible says much about the importance of humility. * Jesus says that being “poor in spirit” (Matthew 5:3), which is recognizing that you have nothing to offer, nothing to bargain with and can only come begging for God’s mercy, was the key to entering into God’s kingdom. Man will not come to God if he thinks he can do it on his own, and God will not accept a man that tries to come to Him on his own merit. * 1 Peter 3:6 says that we need to “humble ourselves under the mighty hand of God.” Why? because (vs. 5) “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
A humble man recognizes the truth that there are others that are better than he. He recognizes his own weakness and failings. Instead of fighting against others to prove himself, he welcomes the aid of others and gives praise where praise is due and not to himself.
* Moses was a real man without a doubt. He certainly displayed all the attributes even modern culture values. He withstood the greatest military power on the earth at that time – Egypt. He boldly challenged Pharaoh face to face and held the power that devastated that land. He led two million people across the wilderness. Strength, leadership, and courage were all his. However, Numbers 12:13 also tells us, “Moses was very humble, more than any man who was on the face of the earth.” * It is when Moses became proud that he got into serious trouble. In Numbers 20:10 Moses did not do what God commanded in providing water for the people, but instead took it upon himself to provide the miracle saying, “Listen now, you rebels; shall we bring forth water for you out of this rock?” Moses then hit the rock rather than speaking to the rock as God commanded. The result? the Lord said to Moses and Aaron, “Because you have not believed Me, to treat Me as holy in the sight of the sons of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land which I have given them.”
Pride only gets a man into trouble. A real man has the maturity to be humble.
Rising out of humility is the next characteristic.
* MEEKNESS – SUBMISSION TO AUTHORITY
Meekness is not weakness. It is submission to authority. It is the combination of humility and trust. * The meek man understands his own limitations and relies upon the one that is more powerful, God. This was another characteristic of Moses. He was strong, bold, and courageous, but those aspects of his character were true because he trusted God. Moses’ pride and sense of doing things by his own wisdom and might were broken by 40 years in the desert tending sheep after fleeing Egypt because he had taken the law into his own hands and had killed a cruel Egyptian taskmaster. * Moses was in submission to God’s authority and willingly obeyed God’s commandments. Moses recognized that God wanted him to be part of a plan much bigger than himself. God had given Moses a mission and because He trusted God to keep His promises, God was able to use Moses mightily. No wonder God so often referred to Moses as “My servant.”
A real man is meek. He in submission to a higher authority from which he can draw strength and courage. Want to know how to gain victory over a superior enemy? Rely on an ally that is even stronger. * That is why that even in spiritual battles when we face the devil and his minions who are more powerful than us, the key to our victory is in meekness. James 4:7 puts it plainly, “Submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you.” Victory begins with submission to God.
Out of meekness arise two more characteristics of real men
* STRENGTH and COURAGE.
By strength I am not talking about the physical so much as the mental & emotional state of the person. A person of relatively small stature can be very strong in this sense. The apostle Paul was not a man of great physical strength. * Paul’s detractors saw him as “weak,” “a spectacle,” “poor & without honor” (1 Corinthians 4:9,10; 2 Corinthians 6:10). Yet Paul was the powerhouse in taking the gospel throughout the Roman world.
William Wilberforce was similar to Paul. * He was small in stature and his appearance was “uncommanding,” yet, to hear him speak, it is said that his stature would grow to that of a whale. Wilberforce was committed to the cause God had set before him, and with diligence and perseverance over several decades he eliminated slavery from the British empire. Wilberforce was a real man.
Courage is not something that comes up all by itself. Over and over again throughout the Bible we find admonitions to “take courage” and to be “strong and courageous.” * The mind and emotion must be set and controlled by confident belief. Both Paul & Wilberforce believed God and the causes He had given them. They were courageous because they trusted God, and * they were willing to suffer because they knew they were part of something much bigger than themselves. They looked past present circumstances to what would bring glory to God. They were confident He would sustain them in the present and trusted Him for their eternal future. Paul expressed this in * 2 Corinthians 5:6-9 saying that he was of good courage because he walked by faith and not by sight and though he preferred rather to be absent from the body and to be at home with the Lord, his ambition was to be pleasing to the Lord. Such men are not dissuaded by the loss of standing in society or being held with contempt or suffering physically or even being a martyr. They take to heart and put into practice Jesus’ warning and encouragement in John 16:33 that though they would have tribulation in this world they could have peace and take courage because He has overcome the world.
Strength and courage mark real men. In my estimation this is one of the areas most lacking in men today. Who is willing to stand up and be counted? Who has the courage to face the scorn of this society by standing up against its debauchery? Who is willing to rise above the mundane things of life to see the bigger picture and get involved in that? Praise the Lord that there are a few. But there are even fewer that have the next characteristic.
* LEADERSHIP –
A real man knows where he is going and brings others along. A leader has convictions and he inspires others to hold those same convictions, join with him and do something. This is a commodity sadly lacking in America today. Too many politicians have convictions that change with the opinion polls. They do not lead. They simply assess where the crowd is going and then try to get in front of it. Leaders state where they are going and why we all should go there. Having unwavering convictions grounded in truth is important.
As important as this is in the political realm, there is another area where the lack of leadership has been even more devastating. That is in the home. * The apostle Paul made leadership in the home a qualification for leadership in the church (1 Timothy 3:5; Titus 1). If you are not doing it in the home, you will not be doing it somewhere else.
How many men are not just letting, but forcing their wives to wear the pants in the family because of their complacency and refusal to lead? Guys who father a child outside of marriage are males, but they are not men. Guys who live with a woman but do not marry her are males, but they are not men. Guys who abandon their family so they can pursue their own desires are males, but they are not real men. Guys who let and/or force their wives to set the direction for the family are males, but they are not men. Guys who do not lead their family in the worship of the Lord, take them to church and make sure there are family devotions, are males, but they are not men.
* Leadership is the mark of a real man, but leadership is not becoming a little dictator. There are males that do that, but they are not men. Real men lead by example and persuasion, not raw power.
This type of leadership also demands another characteristic in the man. A real man is a mentor/teacher.
* MENTOR/TEACHER
Mentoring is the process of passing on the characteristics of a man to someone else. It is much more than the teaching of facts. It is the impartation of convictions and a lifestyle. Real men sharpen each other (Proverbs 27:17). In the church we call it discipleship. Men find another man and train him so that he can train a another person so he can train another person, etc. etc. (2 Timothy 2:2).
* The primary people for a man to train are his children. That is the importance of Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Ephesians 6:3-4; Colossians 4:21; 1 Timothy 3:4-5; etc. A father is to train his children in a such a way that they will know God and be obedient to Him. That is no easy task. It will take all the characteristics I have already mentioned – humility, meekness, strength, courage, leadership. It will also take integrity which is the next characteristic of a true man.
* INTEGRITY
What is integrity? It is moral soundness, wholeness. A man with integrity is honest. He keeps his word and holds fast to his principles regardless of personal cost. There is no question about this in scripture. * Colossians 3:9, “Do not lie to one another . . .”. Psalm 15:4, “He swears to his own hurt , and does not change.” Proverbs 10:9, “He who walks in integrity walks securely, But he who perverts his ways will be found out.”
Integrity is lacking in our society. Long and detailed contracts are written to try to keep businesses honest enough so trade can continue. At one time a man’s word was enough. How many of you actually believe the claims made in advertisements or by most politicians? Our highest institutions have shown their own lack of integrity including the Supreme Court which has cast aside the rule of law in favor of political whim in many of their decisions. It was a majority of the nine exalted lawyers of the court that foisted homosexual marriage on the nation. Churches are not exempt from lack of integrity for scandals abound. Even whole denominations turn away from the Bible in order to be accepted by society. Men who are supposed to be godly disregard what the Scriptures teach and instead preach in such a way that they can follow the lust of their flesh, eyes and pride.
Integrity is important in institutions. It is even more important in a man. Your employer, your friends, your wife, your children all need to know that you can be trusted. They need to know how you will act and what you will do in a given situation. * If you cannot be counted on, then you can have little positive impact in their lives. You will not be trusted with greater responsibilities. You will not be able to teach or lead others to godliness.
* Real men keep their promises. Dads, don’t tell your children you will do something and then fail to follow through. Be up front and honest with them. Continued disappointment goes deep into the heart of a child. Dads, be consistent in front of your children. Practice what you preach. If you don’t want them to lie, then they had better not see you lie, even if it is something so simple as asking your wife to tell someone on the phone that you are not there.
What are some other characteristics of a real man?
* PROVIDER – He looks out for those entrusted to his care. 1 Timothy 5:8, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.” A real man is not lazy. He does not look for a handout. He takes the admonition of * 2 Thess. 3:10-13 seriously that those who will not work should not eat. He has a disciplined life in providing for his own family and for others as * Eph. 4:28 directs “let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may have something to share with him who has need.”
* A FRIEND – By this I mean a friend in the truest sense, not just someone with a lot of acquaintances. * A real man is a friend to his wife following the Lord’s command to love her in the same way that Christ loved the church giving Himself up for her (Ephesians 5). That is sacrificial love. He puts the needs of his wife ahead of himself.
He also willingly does the same for his other friends. He takes to heart the command in * Philippians 2:3-4 to be of humble heart and consider others as more important than himself so that he will look after their interests and not just his own. This is what Jesus did and He is our example. He even laid down His life for His friends which is the greatest example of love possible (John 15:13).
* GODLY – The bottom line of it all is that a real man is godly. In the Old Testament the Psalmist described a real man in Psalm 15:1 (A Psalm of David.) O Lord, who may abide in Thy tent? Who may dwell on Thy holy hill? 2 He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, And speaks truth in his heart. 3 He does not slander with his tongue, Nor does evil to his neighbor, Nor takes up a reproach against his friend; 4 In whose eyes a reprobate is despised, But who honors those who fear the Lord; He swears to his own hurt, and does not change; 5 He does not put out his money at interest, Nor does he take a bribe against the innocent. He who does these things will never be shaken.
* In the New Testament the real man is seen in Jesus Christ, the second Adam, the perfect man. Every characteristic is perfectly displayed in Him: humility, meekness, strength, courage, leadership, mentoring, integrity, provider, friend.
If you want to be a real man, then you need to be like Christ. The good news for Christians is that is the very thing that God has been doing in your life since He saved you because * He has predestined you to be conformed to the image of His son (Rom. 8:29b). Set your eyes on Him and continue to follow. You will become like Him in the process.
For those of you without Jesus Christ, you may be able to develop a lot of these qualities to some degree, * but you will never be a real man according to how God describes it in the Bible. * Isn’t it about time you started the process and humble yourself before Him. The Lord will take it from there.
Sermon Notes – 6/21/2026
Will the Real Men Please Stand Up! – Selected Scriptures
INTRODUCTION
Marriage is being delayed & rates are ________________
Men complain they can’t find a woman that will make a good ________
Women complain they can’t find a man willing to take on the __________________of being a husband
Real men work _________and remain tenacious when encountering adversity, difficulty or what is risky
What does it mean to be a man – a ________man? Why do the percentage of real men keep dropping?
What ____________ characterize manliness?
Reasons for Cultural Confusion:
_______________of the characteristics & behavior of men have changed
Family ____________has resulted in high rates of homes without dads – no one to model being a man
Young males act like animals because they are treated like animals without expectation of ______________
___________has redefined the role and characteristics of women with a corresponding confusion for men
The “Men’s Movement” does some helpful things, but also a lot of __________ things
Patriarchy ________________to Biblical commands becomes an oppressive evil (Eph. 5:22-33; 1 Peter 3:7)
Who are your ___________ for young men & what are they like?
Strength, courage and leadership are ____________________to define a real man
CHARACTERISTICS OF “REAL MEN”
Humility: It demands you know your _______________ & be modest about your strengths.
Matthew 5:3 – entrance into the kingdom of Heaven begins by being ______________________
1 Peter 3:5-6 – God resists the ____________ but gives grace to the humble
___________ had strength, leadership and courage, yet he was very humble
___________ gets men into trouble
Meekness. It is not weakness, it is power under control by _______________ to authority
The meek man understands his own limitations and relies upon the one who is more powerful – _________ Moses was in ______________ to God’s authority and willingly obeyed God’s commandments
Meekness is the key to victory even in ____________ battles – James 4:7
Strength and Courage: Not physical ability, but the _____________________________strength & courage
Paul was seen as “weak,” “a spectacle,” “poor & without honor,” but he was a ______________of missions
William _____________was “uncommanding,” but God used him to eliminate slavery in the British empire
The mind and emotion must be set and controlled by _______________belief for courage to be present
They were willing to suffer because they knew they were part of something much ________than themselves
2 Corinthians 5:6-9 – You must walk by __________and your ambition must be to please the Lord
Leadership: A leader has convictions and he inspires others to __________ with him and do something.
Leadership given in the ___________ demonstrates the leadership that would be given other places
Real men lead by __________ and persuasion, not raw power.
MENTOR/TEACHER: Mentoring is the process of ____________ the characteristics of one person to another
The primary people a man is to train are his ____________ (Deut. 6:4-9; Eph. 6:3,4; Col. 4:21).
Integrity: Integrity is __________ soundness, wholeness.
Colossians 3:9 – He does not lie Psalm 15:3 – He keeps his word.
If you cannot be ___________ / be counted on, you will have little positive impact on the lives of others
Real men __________ their promises
Provider: He looks out for those entrusted to _______________ – 1 Timothy 5:8
2 Thessalonians 3:10-13 – Those who will not work should ______________
Ephesians 4:28 – We work so that we will have something to ___________ with others
A Friend: He is a friend to his __________, loving her, sacrificing of himself for her – Ephesians 5:22-33
Philippians 2:3-4 – He humbly considers others as _____________________________than himself
Godly – Psalm 15 expresses the characteristics of the _____________man.
Like ____________– He displays the perfect example of all the characteristics of being a real man
KIDS KORNER
Parents, you are responsible to apply God’s Word to your children’s lives. Here is some help. Young Children – draw a picture about something you hear during the sermon. Explain your picture(s) to your parents at lunch. Older Children – Do one or more of the following: 1) Count how many times the word “man” or “men” is said. 2) Discuss with your parents what it means to be a “real man.”
THINK ABOUT IT!
Questions to consider in discussing the sermon with others. Why would NY State want to use different terms in law than mother and father? What do young men want in a wife? What should they want? What do young women want in a husband? What should they want/ What is your definition of a “man.” How does your definition differ from others? Why do you think there is such a confusion in our culture about what a man should be? How have each of the following affected society: Anti-cultural movements which began in the 1960’s? Family breakdown? Feminism? The men’s movements in response to feminism? Who are your heroes? Who are the heroes of the kids in your neighborhood? What heroes / role models would you want them to be like? What is humility? What does it have to do with being a man? Name some “real men” who were humble. What is the problem with pride in a man? What is meekness? How does it compare with humility? How does meekness contribute to the making of a “real man?” What is the relationship between strength and courage? What is the source of courage? Does a man have to be physically strong to have strength and courage? What would help you be more courageous? Define leadership? What is the difference between a politician and a statesman? What is the difference between being a male and being a man? Why do so many men refuse to lead their families? Is this a problem in your family? How can it be changed? Why is a dictator not a real man? How do real men lead? What effect does a real man have on other people? Who are the primary people a man is supposed to train? What is integrity & why is it so important? What do real men provide? How do they provide it? Describe the friendship of a real man? Name examples of “real men” – past or current. Why do you regard them as “real men.” What can/should you do if you ( your husband) falls short of being a real man? How will you train your sons to be “real men.”
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